I Imagine Death So Much It Feels More Like a Memory
by ccelettic
Summary: In which Frisk introduces Sans to a certain musical about the ten dollar founding father without a father, and Sans takes it a little personally.


_"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." - Plato_

* * *

Ever since returning to the surface, Frisk had gotten into something they would have never expected prior to their adventure down the legendary Mt. Ebott.

Musicals.

As much as they hated to admit it, since 'starring' in Mettaton's musical- if it could even be called that- the human had gotten very interested in theatre, in musicals. Despite the whole musical being a plot to kill them, but not actually kill them, Frisk still found the experience enjoyable.

So, Frisk had been ecstatic when Mettaton brought news of Broadway and other musicals when they all came to the surface.

Naturally, the flamboyant robot had been just as excited by theatre as well, and, when he could clear time in his schedule, the two of them often listened to musicals together.

The human loved how each one could be so different, and invoke different memories. They loved most musicals, of course there were some that Frisk could just never be interested in. That was to be expected.

Their favourites, though, tended to be those historically based. It was odd, but they always seemed to have the most interesting plots and best music to the human, although they usually ended up more heartbreaking than the rest. History was, ultimately, tragic.

Mettaton had most recently showed the human Hamilton. They liked the different feel of it. The rapping as opposed to the normal music, although there was definitely some music in there, was a nice change. The comedy mixed in with the serious, heavy plot points made it enjoyable, even though they had Mettaton placing gloved hands over their small ears to block out the lyrics more than Frisk would have liked.

The songs in the musical spoke to Frisk in a weird way that they never quite understood, though.

One day, they were listening to some of the songs from the musical about the ten dollar founding father without a father, when they saw a flash out of the corner of their eye, and into the room walked Sans, his usual smile plastered brightly onto his face. Frisk, of course, greeted him with a toothy grin, and an ecstatic wave of their hand.

"watcha up to, kiddo?"

That never changed. Despite them no longer being a child anymore, Sans and Toriel both insisted on calling Frisk by the same names; "My child" from their beloved goat mother, and the usual array of varying ways of saying "kid" from Sans.

'Hamilton. Wanna listen?' Frisk signed quickly. They certainly could speak, but still preferred to sign nonetheless. Talking unless it was necessary always made the ambassador uncomfortable considering their... Past. Besides, Sans had known sign language fluently when Frisk had met him the first time. They didn't question how. They also didn't question why he always called it "speaking in hands" rather than sign language or ASL. They always pegged it off as a monster thing.

"hmm... sure, why not, kid." he responded before promptly flopping down next to Frisk on the floor, head resting on his arms as he stared at the laptop screen.

Frisk unplugged their headphones from the blue laptop, so Sans could hear the music. They were listening to one of their favourite songs from the whole show.

 _I am the A-L_

 _E-X_

 _A-N_

 _D_

 _E-R_

 _We are_

 _Meant to be a colony that runs independently,_

 _meanwhile Britain keeps shittin' on is endlessly_

Sans chuckled. "tsk, wow kid, what would tori think if she heard you listening to this?" They gave him a light, playful shove and a small laugh before tuning back into the song.

 _Essentially,_

 _They tax us relentlessly_

 _Then King George turns around and runs a spending spree?_

 _He ain't never gonna set his descendants free,_

 _So there will be a revolution in this century!_

 _Enter me! (He says in parentheses)_

 _Don't be shocked when your hist'ry book mentions me,_

 _I will lay down my life if it sets us free,_

 _Eventually you'll see my ascendancy!_

 _And I am not throwin' away my shot!_

 _I am not throwin' away my shot!_

 _Ay-yo I'm just like my country, I'm young, scrappy, and hungry and I am not throwin' away my shot!_

"heh. guy's got the same spunk as undyne with the whole 'laying down their life to set 'em free' thing, huh?"

They nodded, though they had never really thought of it like that.

 _It's time to take a shot!_

 _I dream of life without the monarchy_

 _The unrest in France will lead to 'onarchy'_

 _How you say?_

 _How you say- oh 'anarchy'!_

 _When I fight, I make the other side panicky with my shot!_

Sans snorted. Did he not like the cockiness of Lafayette?

 _Yo, I'm a tailor's apprentice_

 _And I got y'all knuckleheads in loco parentis_

 _I'm joining the rebellion cuz I know it's my chance_

 _To socially advance, instead of sewin' some pants!_

 _I'm gonna take a shot!_

"y'know, kid, this is some uhh... interesting stuff you're listening to. s'cool. s'good, don't get me wrong just uh... y'know... didn't think you'd like this kinda stuff s'all. dark for a kid," Sans looked over at them, a cautious look in his eye. Frisk could tell that wasn't all that was on his mind. They human droned out the music for a minute.

'I'm not a kid anymore, Sans. Besides, we learned about this stuff in school from Toriel," they signed indignantly. Geez.

"fair enough," was Sans' simple response, before he turned his attention back to the laptop.

 _You've got to be carefully taught_

 _If you talk_

 _You're gonna get shot!_

The human could have sworn that they saw Sans' eye flash a bright blue for a second, before his eye sockets went dark. Was it the lyrics, they wondered. If it was, why were those lyrics so... Special? Meaningful? Deep? To the skeleton monster.

"...Sans...?" they managed to utter quietly. He seemed in a daze that signing would not have been able to break him out of, so they instead opted for talking to him.

And they seemed to have accomplished their goal, Frisk's words seemingly bringing him back to reality.

"a-ah! sorry 'bout that, kiddo. musta dozed off. haven't been gettin much sleep lately. heh. y'know me. classic lazybones," he responded nonchalantly, although his tone was a bit... Flat... He didn't sound like he was all there. Maybe he was listening to the music more than he was focusing on Frisk's words. They should probably start listening again, too.

 _Rise up!_

 _When you're livin' on your knees you rise up!_

 _Tell your brother that he's gotta rise up!_

 _Tell your sister that she's gotta rise up!_

 _When are these colonies gonna rise up?_

 _When are these colonies gonna rise up?_

 _When are these colonies gonna rise up?_

 _When are these colonies gonna rise up?_

 _Rise up!_

The human cautiously shot Sans a quick glance. He seemed normal again, the lights returned to his eye sockets. Well, whatever caused him to freak out must be gone now, Frisk thought, flashing a quick smile before tuning back in.

 _I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory_

 _When's it gonna get me,_

 _In my sleep_

 _Seven feet ahead of me?_

 _If I see it comin', do I run or do I let it be?_

 _Is it like a beat without a melody?_

They spoke to soon.

The entire room felt... Tight. Quickly, the music was paused and their gaze was directed at Sans.

He was shaking. Luminescent blue tears were streaming down his face, while his eye glowed a harsh blue. The skeleton was doubled over himself in a ball, clutching at his head.

Oh gods, he looked like a wreck! What... Happened to him?

The lyrics... The words... It must have been...

"S-sans...?" Frisk reached a shaky hand out to touch his shoulder, but he flinched away at their touch, continuing to shake. They could just barely make out his quiet, desperate mutters.

"oh god... oh god...!"

He was having a panic attack, wasn't he? Gods, that couldn't be good. He didn't need to breathe but... Still.

Frisk grabbed the short skeleton and turned him towards them, grabbing his skull and forcing him to look at them. They weren't sure that this was the best thing to do, but they were frantic.

"Sans... W-what's wrong? Sans, come on, look at me... Please! Sans...?"

The words broke Sans out if his panicky state, to an extent. He was still shaking, and his eye was still flashing a bright cyan and yellow, but he looked at them, made eye contact.

"f-frisk...?" his eyes were wide and scared, but his expression quickly changed. It was menacing, his glare seemed to stare them down and chill their very soul. The uneven pattern of his shaking changed to an almost even bouncing of his shoulders. He... He was laughing?

"heh... b-burn in HELL, hellspawn," was all he said before the human felt the all-too-familiar feeling of gravity shifting, their soul turning blue, as Sans began slamming them into a wall. Their battles with Papyrus certainly got them used to this sensation, although... They felt it was more familiar. It was strange.

"S-sans... Stop..." they managed to sputter out, albeit weakly. Plaster was crumbling down, causing a fine white powder to coat their back and hands.

They heaved themselves out of the wall weakly, looking at the damage. Great. A large, Frisk-sized hole in the wall. Toriel wouldn't question THAT. But somehow, that seemed like the least of the human's worries. Sans was still staring at them, a murderous gleam in his eye sockets.

"that dust on your hands... you've been busy, huh...?"

"Wh-what are you talking about? Sans?!"

As they shot a quick glance at their hands, they took notice of the thin coat of fallen, white plaster. It did look like... dust.

That's when the memories came flooding back. The dust. The knife. The desperate cries of fallen monsters.

* * *

 ** _"I see who I was protecting by keeping you here... Not you... But them...!"_**

Toriel's soul splitting.

 _ **"I BELIEVE IN YOU!"**_

Papyrus' head falling into the snow.

 _ **"I won't die... I CAN'T DIE!"**_

Undyne melting onto the bridge, her sheer amount of determination too much for her form.

 _ **"welp. i'm goin' to grillby's. papyrus..."**_

 _ **"do you want anything...?"**_

Sans. Oh gods... Sans' blood... Monsters didn't bleed...! But Sans did. His last words... A cry for his fallen brother... Oh gods. What had they done?!

* * *

"k-kid?! kid i-i'm sorry...! are you alright? i..." he had run over to their shaking form and started pulling them up from their hunched over position on the ground. Their cries had, luckily, brought him back to the present.

They simply stared at him with wide, watery, doe-like eyes, unable to even choke out a single word. How could they? The memories of killing everyone... The dust of the monsters, caking their skin and clothes...

"i... i'm sorry, kid. i... you shouldn't have had to see that. it's just..." he sighed. He couldn't.

"heh. never woulda guessed... that your little musicals could be so accurate. it's scary. kid... d-do you remember... anything from the other timelines?"

Reluctantly, the human gulped and nodded, unsure if the sudden flood of memories from other timelines constituted as remembering, but still going with it.

"well, that guy... kinda got my situation pinned down. to a 't'."

What?

"heh. didn't expect you to understand. i... god didn't expect to be talkin' about this. i have nightmares, kid, believe it or not. it's... there's a lot of death in 'em, kiddo. alphys', undyne's, mettaton's... paps'... yours..." he trailed off, not meeting your gaze. "mine... it's so real... every time i wake up and think i'm dead... or pap is dead... or you're dead... at first I really did think they were just nightmares... but... heh... figured out they weren't. and... when... i would die..."

They felt the guilt rising in their stomach as their sins crawled up their back.

"i'd be asleep. i'd always manage to dodge your first blow... flee... heh... but the second... never once did i escape it. i shoulda seen it comin', and hey, maybe i did sometimes, but if i did... i just... let it be."

The human's brown eyes widened in shock, and hot, fat tears begin to run down their face, unable to believe what they had put their friend through. They had done that. They had put their best friend through such agony... Heartbreak... Pain... No one should have had to suffer that much. And then... They made him relive it. Gods, they felt as though they didn't even deserve to be called a human being...!

Their mind went to the rest of the story.

He dies.

Killed at the hands of a friend.

They felt their stomach start to twist into knots. They felt like throwing up.

'Sans... I'm so sorry. I had no idea...! I-' they were frantically signing, hands madly shaking the whole time, when Sans grabbed their soft hands with his own bony ones, and brought the human's hands down into their lap.

"it's fine, kid. really. i needed to get it off my chest someday. i don't got a bone to pick with you this timeline. just... promise me something," his voice was serious, hard, something hardly ever heard from the normally comical, lackadaisical skeleton. Reluctantly, they nodded, implying for him to go on.

"no more resets."

They were taken aback for a moment. No more resets...? Was that really his worry?

But, with tears streaming down the human's face, they nodded, a soft smile stretching across their features.

"I promise."

He smiled back.

Genuinely.

More tears blurred their vision, as they hugged your bony friend. The knowledge that the world would never be the same for their skeletal friend filled them with **DETERMINATION**.

* * *

 **A/N-**

 **older story I wrote as kind of a test. i actually wrote a lot of stories that I ended up getting rid of. so yeah.**

 **but i love musicals, so enjoy my trash.**

 **Song is My Shot from Lin Manuel Miranda's Hamilton. I do not own the song, Hamilton, or undertale. i wish i did.**


End file.
